Lawless America

Bob Barker & Me Update from Bill Windsor of Lawless America September 6, 2015

Bob Barker & Me Update from Bill Windsor of Lawless America September 6, 2015.

I had hoped to have the book, Bob Barker & Me: Life in Cell Block 7, available at Amazon by now.

Our sweet typist, KD, has had a number of personal problems, so she has been delayed...

But she is back on duty, and the chapters are flying in.

Bob Barker & Me: Life in Cell Block 7 is the first to be completed of three books that I worked on during my 134 days in The Cooler.  I am really proud of the work.  It's a witty book with a serious message about judicial corruption and problems with the penal system.

In Cell Block 7 in the Ada County Jail, it's like maximum security.  You are kept locked in a 240-square-foot four-man cell for as long as 22 hours a day.  I am EXTREMELY claustrophobic, so it was Hell for me.  Getting my mind on something else was vital.  When I proposed that my funny cellmates and I write a book, that was a perfect distraction.  I could tell it was great for my cellmates as well.

The book features short stories and funny poetry by Joshua Hooker, Alex Gibson, and me.  The book is Rated R as it was written in jailhouse language.  To say there are a lot of Fu*ks, Fu*kers, and MotherFu*kers in the book would be a gross understatement.  I found that prisoners use the F word more often than they breathe.  They taught me all about horrible language, meth, weed, tattoos, jail, and prison.

The beginning of the book has a WARNING page about the expletives not deleted.  The book has other unusual aspects to it, such as a Glossary at the start of the book.  Jail life is filled with terms that mean nothing to those who haven't had the experience.  Lots of acronyms.  So, terms like ChoMo, Panter, pass, hole, pole, sperm surfer, and the like are all explained right up front.  The book has Chapter 1 Bill W's Story...but it isn't the first chapter.  You have to be an alcoholic or know one well to understand this.  Bill W(indsor) doesn't drink, but as Chapter 1 of the Alcoholics Anonymous Book is Bill W's Story, the guys couldn't resist.

Some of the chapter titles are Bob Barker & Me; Code Brown; I need a Pole; Eat, Drink, Pee, Poo; Grievance to Nowhere; Seven Day Soup; Fresh Meat; My Bin Runneth Over; Commissary Heaven; She'd be a 3 on the Outside, but She's an 8 to Me; Family...What Family; Money on My Books; Death by Fart; Flossless in Boise; $5 Staple; Gonads & Strike; Plea No Bargain; Yes, I'm a Public Pretender; Tightie Whities for a Week; Showering with Strangers Shi**ing with Friends; and many that Bill Windsor would rather not have printed here because they are quite foul in name.

I wrote three last chapters from the Missoula County Detention Center in lovely Missoula Montana: "The Tail of Three Jails," "My Cellmate Thinks HeShe's Bruce Jenner," and "Two-Faced."  I put "Two-Faced" online.  It's a serious short story, but the book is almost entirely funny/witty but with a message. 

One of my discoveries from my visits to three jails in three states is that most of the men in jail are there because they have an illness -- addiction to drugs or alcohol.  90% of the people in jail or prison are there for victimless crimes.  100% of the men I met were drug users.  In the poem, The Felony Flu, by Joshua Hooker, he addresses this issue in his own special way.

The book will initially be sold on amazon.com.  When it hits the New York Times Best Seller List, it will surely be sold in bricks and mortar bookstores, too.  The cover of the book has a bright yellow banner at the top that proclaims "Over 9 Million Copies Sold."  In tiny type beneath "Sold," it says "in our dreams."  The website will be www.BobBarkerAndMe.com.

If you haven't had the pleasure of spending time in The Stockade, you are probably wondering about Bob Barker.  The word in every jail is that THE Bob Barker of The Price is Right happens to be by far the largest supplier of products used in jails and prisons!  But, as with many things that you hear in jail, it isn't THE Bob Barker, it's A Bob Barker from Apex, North Carolina.  He's seen the movie Happy Gilmore, but that is as close as he has been to THE Bob Barker as best we know.

Here's one more teaser.  This chapter is titled "I Need A Pole:"

For a quick update on Bill Windsor's saga and upcoming trial, see this summary on LawlessAmerica.com.

If you want to reach Bill Windsor, his home address is 110 East Center Street #1213, Madison, SD 57042.  That mail gets forwarded to him once a week.  His email is This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.This. His phone is 770-578-1094, but it is not answered; messages are checked by dialing in to Verizon from a state far, far away, and Bill receives an email with the name, number, and one sentence summary of each message.

For the Lawless America videos, see www.YouTube.com/lawlessamerica.  Bill Windsor's Facebook page is www.facebook.com/billwindsor1  Bill Windsor's Twitter account is www.twitter.com/lawlessamerica.  And click here for the Lawless America Facebook page that has just magically reappeared.

Photo copyright Friends of Bill Windsor

William M. Windsor

 FABOJ